FeLiCiTy - - mY LovE… - - my LiFe…

i finished modifying this one (actually this is my adaptation of the "a letter to the one God has prepared for me" article) just this september 6 and i thought this speaks out almost everything inside me that i want to say but cant… this piece indicates that although ive been broken hearted ( a lot of times really…) im still full of hope that the right man for me will come someday…

Do you know that at this very minute, I am thinking of you? And I’m wondering if at the same time you’re thinking of me too… It makes me think of what’s taking us so long to find each other.

Many times I thought my wait has ended and that finally I have found you, only to be disappointed in the end and realize that my wait has yet to be concluded.

I sleep at night full of wishes, of prayers hoping that the next day would bring me good news. I wake up each morning full of hope that on that day I will finally meet you.

I have been wondering how we would meet. I imagine it would be something really nice. Sometimes I think if it would be like the movie “Serendipity” or be like “When Harry met Sally” or “Sleepless in Seattle” or maybe even “Princess Diaries II”? Or would it be like “Practical Magic” where the girl was so disillusioned by true love that she concocted a potion along with a fervent wish for her ideal man thinking that what she wished for was so impossible that no such man existed, so that she’ll never experience true love. But then she was wrong, and she met her match… Oh my… Would our first meeting even come to half as close as to these movies’ romantic air?

i recently watched the movie "While you were sleeping", and i thought that, just like in the movie i have an ideal person, and that ive been silently waiting and longing for him to be mine, and only now did i realize that maybe, i have been so busy w/ my illusions on him, that i could not see that he was the wrong person for me… and that i failed to recognize you were there all along…

Then maybe… maybe we’ve known each other all our lives but we’ve not yet realized that we’re meant for each other. Or maybe… we have already met, realized we both feel the same way for each other but just too scared to take a chance… There are a lot of “maybe’s” in my head and really, I do not know…

Do you know how much I dream of you? How much I long to be with you? How much I want to know what it feels like to be in your arms? Even at this very moment I am dreaming of how you would sweep me off my feet… May be it would be by your shy little smile, or maybe I would be drawn to you by your soft gentle gaze, or maybe on how you seem to make me smile… Here I go again with all my “maybe’s” and again I say, I do not know, and I’m really not sure…

Sometimes when I’m alone I ask myself if I have really ever known love. Surely I have had some experiences of loving some persons of the opposite sex before. But then again I ask myself, “Have you really known love?” And I’d say to myself, “we’re my experiences enough for me to say that yes, I have known love?” I do not know the answer to this question.

I believe though of what they say that you’d only know true, unconditional love if you found the right person. And since I haven’t found you yet then maybe I can say that I’ve really not known love. That perhaps whatever I felt before was just a shallow, passing feeling, for honestly, I believe that true love lasts a lifetime. Oh… Who am I kidding? Honestly speaking, I myself am confused and at a loss, so could I just say, “Next question please…”

How I wish that we were together right now, coz I know that you’re the only one who knows and can give me the answers to all my questions.

I think of all the pain I went through in the past, of how many tears I’ve cried since I began my journey of searching for you. I want you to know that not only once did I get hurt from loving the wrong person. I want to share these experiences to you so you would know, when I’ve finally found you, how very special you are to me…

Once I thought I loved a person who was able to accept me for who I really am, and truly care for me. I thought he was the one sent for me. But as it turned out, I was wrong. This person left me for no apparent reason and shattered my heart into pieces. It took me a long time to care for another man again, and when I did, I was in for another major heartbreak coz I fell for a man I couldn’t have. I fell for someone who was deeply in love with somebody else. I fell too hard for him that at that time it was painfully destroying my being.

But I recovered from that fall. And when I did, I became afraid to love again. A lot of persons came, but I was too scared to let them love me. I was too afraid to entrust my feelings, fearing that if I did, I would only end up broken hearted.

Then I met a person who I thought I could trust. I gave him my heart. I completely trusted and believed in him, knowing that this time it would be different, that this man was the answer to my prayers to God. Everybody thought we were a perfect pair, and that finally I have found my match. And so did I. But we were all wrong… again I was hurt, my heart was fooled, and this time I was too hurt to even get angry. I cried a river of tears, for such a long time. I tried to hide the pain but I knew that they saw it in my eyes. I was not the same person that I was and the sparkle in my eyes was gone. Nobody knew how deeply I had been hurt for I kept it all inside me. I showed the world a happy façade… Everybody thought I easily moved on, but I did not…

Right now… I am still recovering from that fall. And I want you to know that aside from God, you have been my source of strength. Just knowing that I will have a beautiful life ahead of me – a life I know I will share with you – gives me the strength to carry on. Knowing, in my mind, that YOU are worth all the pain and sacrifices I’ve gone and am going through. After all, the pain has become a part of my life and has strengthened me; the tears I’ve shed before and still, are not wasted for I believe that they’re washing away all the imperfections in me so that I would be perfect, JUST FOR YOU…

Sometimes I also wonder how many times you have been hurt along your search. How many times you have given your heart and trusted fully, only to be disappointed in the end? And, how many times, like me, have you cried because of all the pain? My heart goes out to you… Dearest, please don’t ever give up for I am right here… patiently waiting for you and me to finally be in each other’s arms. And I promise you that when we finally do, I would patiently heal all those wounds with my love.

At night before I go to sleep, I’d look out of my window and gaze at the starry sky, thinking of you. I look for my favorite star and utter a silent prayer and wish that we’d finally be together. There are times that I feel so impatient for I am beginning to think that you’re really not coming my way. When this happens, I just close my eyes and hum one of my favorite songs, “How did you know?” which would remind me of you, and then tell my self “Be patient…” for you are on your way to me.

When I’m awake, you remain in my mind and I find it rather amusing to know that even when I’m asleep it is you that I’m dreaming of – for now, it is the only place where I can be with you and hold you, and tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you tell me you love me too. In my dreams, is a place where you’d drive away all my fears and embrace me with the warmth of your love… and this makes me want to wake up and face the new day with a hope that soon enough you will cease to be a dream and become a reality. And once more, I am assured that you really are worth the long wait.

And when that time comes, hopefully soon I pray, I’d simply look back and smile at all the things I’ve gone through. All the joys and the smiles, the blessings and the gifts… and in spite of all the pain and heartaches I had to go through. I can bravely say now that with your help, I’m ready to learn to love again.

I am so thankful because all of these gave me newfound strength. I didn’t know I could be so courageous, so strong, and so patient… it added something new to my personality. And another thing, I’m so grateful for all those things that happened to me for all those things will lead me to you.

For now, do take care of yourself for me. Please don’t ever think of giving up and letting go. Believe in your heart that no matter what happens, we’ll finally find ourselves together and in each other’s arms.

We have one very Great Planner on our side. He has planned our course and its up to us to follow the directions. But don’t worry… do not fear of being lost, for God sees to it that no matter what road you choose to follow, no matter how many detours you encounter, and no matter how long it may take, it will all lead you to me…