FeLiCiTy - - mY LovE… - - my LiFe…

The story of my heart…

I have loved some persons before, one at a time, more than a friend
But then I’ve only been hurt, one at a time, these persons broke my heart.

Once I have loved som1 who tirelessly picked up the pieces of my broken heart
I have loved him truly for he loved me for myself only.
The love we shared was a love with no pretensions
It was true, it was real and I thought it would never cease.

But he’s gone now, he left me in d dark I picked up my broken heart 1s again
And tried to make a brand new start, without him, only me.

I loved somebody else, after him, and hoped he’d love me too
But the love I had was left unrequited, it was quite heartbreaking
I found out that this person loved someone, a friend of my own
Though it was heart-wrenching I took the pain, over-looked the ‘rain’

Again I picked up the pieces of my broken heart slowly I began making a brand new start
I loved somebody else, and just to be sure, someone I knew who’d never love me.

I loved him from afar, careful so he will not know
Yet I just realized one day that it wasn’t love I was feeling
I learned that he had a girlfriend and that they loved each other
Before, I would really be jealous I was surprised to find out I was not jealous, not at all

There was a time when somebody loved me, but I was so stupid
Afraid of falling in love again, I let the love, his love die in vain
His love for me is long gone, and I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore
I was unfair to him, I know. I realize that now, it’s too late though.

He’s with somebody else now, but I can say he still cares for me
He always asks me how am I, and I honestly tell him “I’m okay.”
Its much better coz were just friends now
The tension is gone, were both OK, and it’s not a lie I am all right.

– then i met HIM the man who i thought would be my last
my friends even told me that finally i have met my match
but we were wrong… so wrong…
he turned out to be another mistake in my love life… another “medal” on my heartbreak list

but i dont regret ever meeting him…
what i regret is the time i wasted waiting for something, for someone… for him…
i regret some of the choices ive made… for i lost a real love in exchange of a sham…

the hurt he’s given me was so powerfully intense…
i was so hurt i couldnt even make myself despise him for what he has done to me
he asked for forgiveness and i gave it to him
i told him im okay despite of the fact that i was not…

i would admit, that loving him was the greatest stupidity ive ever committed…
a stupidity that lasted for so long… because i allowed it to…
a stupidity that has made me so gullible for a long while…
a stupidity im glad ive finally started to get myself over of…

im presently teaching myself to learn to stand up from that terrible fall
and when the time comes that im fully recovered
i can finally stand proud and say,
“gone through that before but now i am over you!”

Right now, I hear someone knocking on my heart
I don’t know if I’m ready to get into a relationship again
But I’m giving him a chance to prove his love for me.
Now, I’m not afraid to love again…
And if he’s worth my love, then I’ll gladly love him
With all my heart, no holds barred.

Thank you for being my friend
I will always treasure the times we shared together
You’ll be in my heart forever
And you’ll always be my best and dearest friend.

i have loved a person so much and the only thing he gave me back was this stupid pain inside my heart… this poem… i wrote this during the time na talagang i was really hurting… nung time na sariwa pa yung mga sugat… taposs tatanungin ka pa kung ok ka lang. sasagot ka naman na oo okay lang ako. kahit ang totoo eh hindi. tatanungin ka kung okay lang ba na maging friends pa rin kayo. inspite all the things that happened. the things you two have both gon through… ikaw naman, si tanga, iisiping kaya mo. harharhar kahit deep inside, hindi mo pala kaya.. kaya ang gagawin mo, pilit na tinatakbuhan ang kahapong pilit ring humahabol sa yo. iiwan mo lahat ng mga bagay na nagsisimbolo ng inyong nakaraan. bakit ko to sinasabi? kasi ginawa ko na ito. iniwan ko na ang nakaraan ko. pinakawalan ko na. i dont want to hurt any more and i have already made the decision to not feel this hurt anymore. coz ive finally decided to let go of him.it is both a relief and an agony. relief dahil finally kinakaya ko na. relief dahil finally natututunan ko ng tanggapin… at patuloy pa ring tinuturuan ang sarili ko na tanggapin ( =) ) na hindi talaga kami para sa isa’t isa.

i just hope that somehow, someday (hopefully soon i pray) this pain will be only a memory and that finally i will find the right person for me…

Why are you so cruel?
Can’t you see what you’re doing?
Why are you so blind?
So insensitive… you’re hurting me.

Id rather we don’t become friends anymore
I simply cannot take it
To be near you, yet…
Pretending I feel nothing special for you.

I’m not that resilient; my heart’s not that yielding
Id much prefer gazing at you from a distance
Where I can be as I please
Rather than be close to you hiding my feelings
Fooling myself, fooling you.

Goodbye…..

napaisip ako bigla, napabuntong hininga… ibabahagi ko lang sa inyo ang isinagot ko sa survey na kanikanina lang ay sinubukan kong sagutin…

~~> ang mundo, makulay… masaya, malungkot,
tahimik, magulo, maingay,

maganda ang mundo inaabuso lang ng tao… nakakalungkot pero kailangan nating imulat ang ating mga mata para makita natin ang tunay na kagandahan ng ating natatanging mundo na umiiyak at nananaghoy sa pagmamakaawang sagipin natin sya mula rin mismo sa ating mga kamay na unti-unting sumisira sa kanya…

at dadagdagan ko, sana gumising na tayo, habang hindi pa sya tuluyang nasisira, habang hindi pa sya patuloy na nalulugmok, ibangon na natin sya, bawat isa sa atin ay may magagawa,
maliit man o malaki, pag ginawa natin, makakatulong din yun….

tulungan natin ang mundo, alagaan natin sya, alam naman nating lahat na pag tuluyang nasira ang mundo, lahat tayo mawawala rin…

CROSSROADS

Kelan lang nung ako’y iyong saktan. actually matagal na pala yun. pero, to be honest, hindi pa rin nawawala ang sakit. nung nalaman kong may iba ka pala, nasaktan ako. masyadong nasaktan na tila ba namanhid ako sa sakit at kahit ang magalit sa iyo ay di ko magawa. nagkunwari akong okay lang ako.

masyado kong kinukulong ang sarili ko sa isang kunwari’y masayang mundo upang hindi sila maawa sa akin. upang kahit papaano makakaharap pa rin ako sa kanila ng taas noo. pero bakit bumabalik ka? iniwan ka ba nya? bakit biglang bigla, nagpaparamdam ka na naman? at ako naman etong si gaga nagsasaya’t natutuwa kasi ngayon unti-unting bumabalik na sa dati ang samahan nating iyong sinira.

masaya ako kasi andyan ka na ulit. ngunit ganunpaman nangangamba ako. baka mangyari uli ang kinatatakutan ko, ang masaktan mong muli ang puso ko. natatakot akong magtiwala ng buong buo sayo, na ipagkatiwalang muli ang puso ko. baka kasi pag sinaktan mo ako uli hindi ko na makaya. nagpapakamartir ako para sayo alam ko yun. di ko lang mawari bakit ko hinahayaang masaktan ang sarili ko ng ganito. at ngayon nga isa na namang risk ito para sa puso ko. kung tatanggapin ba kitang muli ano kaya ang mangyayari.

nasa crossroads tayong dalawa. ang ating mga emosyon, at kung ano man itong ating nararamdaman. nasa crossroads tayong dalawa. nasa estado na kelangang mamili na kung GO ON ba, o GIVE UP na. kung mananatili ba akong nakakapit, o bibitaw na ako. kung patuloy ko bang isasara ang puso ko, o muli ko nang bubuksan para sa iyo.

hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari. kung sakali mang mapili ko na kung anong landas ang dapat nating tahakin, kung yun ba ay sa daang magkasama nating babaybayin, o kung maglakbay mag-isa ang aking pipiliin, idinadalangin ko na kung ano man ang mapili ko, nawa’y gabayan Niya ako. at sana magiging handa ako sa anumang desisyon na gagawin ko…

–=–=–=–=–

dear heart, they say time heals the pain, i dont want tears to keep on falling, i dont want my heart to keep on aching, teach me to be brave, to be strong, to end all this hurting.

dear heart, unselfish love is what i need. the way to the right person you lead. i know its hard for you to do, but please, please beat only for who is true.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

i can honestly say, ive gone through this already, hay ang tagal kong nasa crossroad na ito. more than a dozen months of paghihintay at pagpapakatanga… not only once of stumbling and falling… ive shed a river of tears… ive gone through so many sleepless nights.. hearing my heart beat and knowing that its hurting because of you…

ive learned from my mistakes… im stronger now. and id like to thank you for that.

ive passed through this crossroad, ive made my decision… to let go of you…

so im finally saying goodbye,

and now im ready to move on…