tinamaan ako grabe…
— makarelate na kung sinong makarelate. i didnt write this stuff (you’ll obviously figure out why…) i dont even know who wrote this eh… but obviously this was written by a man. it was sent to me thru email i found it nice (although it is… sooo sad…) so i sent it also to you… hoping you’d find it nice (me pagkac0rny nga lang. tutal c0rny din nman ako. hehehe pero in fairness, this cud really happen di ba…) so… just read on…. —–
To tell you honestly, I don’t remember how you look like. I can only remember certain aspects like your smile, and the feel of your hand on my back. But I do remember, so very well, the sound of your voice, your musical laughter, and sadly, even the distant and angry tone of your voice as we neared our goodbyes.
Maybe I’ll never forget you. Maybe I’ll never live down the fact that I had you-but I let you go. Was it that, or was it that I had you, but I did not work hard, did not fight hard enough to make you stay? I don’t know. I don’t want to think, and I don’t believe that now is the time to rationalize about these things. Because the truth of the matter is, you’re gone.
I hate living this life, knowing that I’ll be thinking of these "what ifs" for the rest of my life. I hate wishing that I could turn back time , so that I could correct all my mistakes, took all the risks I should have taken, and reached for your hand when you held it out for me. But it’s too late for that, and it’s not even plausible anyway.
I can’t help but wonder, once in a while, how you’re doing. I wonder if you’re happy, or if some lucky creature is making you happy. I wonder if you still think of me, or even just remember that I exist. Because I think of you. Every single day, against my will, against my better judgment. I’ve fooled myself long enough to believe that you’re not important in my life, not essential to my existence. I’m tired of my own masquerade. I just want to acknowledge the fact that yes, you have touched my life, even if I have acknowledged this too late.
A lot of people say, "There are many fishes in the sea." They weren’t lying. I found that out myself after we separated ways. I dated like hell when you said goodbye, trying to numb myself from the pain, trying to ignore the emptiness that was left with the vacuum that you created in my life. But you know what? At the end of the day, it was still you. I couldn’t find the special spark that I found in you, not even in better-looking or funnier or smarter or richer girls. They didn’t have the magic that you had. They couldn’t make my insides melt with a smile. They couldn’t ease away all my pains with a call. Simply put, they were not you. Yes, they were many, but none of them was you.
You know what? Because of you, I promised myself a few things. I promised myself that I would never be afraid to fall or get hurt. I promised myself that I would take risks, seize opportunities, and conquer my fears. I promised myself that I would never settle for anything less than butterflies. I used to believe that when you lose someone, you’ll get a chance to meet them again.
I used to believe in second chances. Losing you has taught me that there are no second chances in life. When you meet someone, and you are given that chance to change their lives, you have to take hold of that opportunity, because that is the only chance you’ve got. You have your chance, and that’s it. You have to make the most out of it, and then let go when it’s time. People come and go, and you have to live with it.
I constantly have to remind myself that you’ve done your part in my life. You taught me the lesson you came to teach, so you have to leave . I have to move on. I shouldn’t wait. But I can’t help it.
God, I miss you so much…
"LORD…. i tRuSt YOU t0 bReaK me aNd mAkE mE wh0Le aGaiN…"
